GELFAND: MNF Insights and Week 8 Picks

Mandatory Credit: Aaron Doster-USA TODAY Sports

These are sullen, polarized, vicious, violent and pretty much despicable times. And that’s just on the football field. Look past America’s pastime (sorry, baseball) and things may even be worse.

Which is why today we might want to enjoy a few refreshing moments of jocularity as we consider the broadcasting phenomenon known as Booger McFarland.

For those fortunate enough not to be aware of Anthony “Booger” McFarland, the former defensive lineman is the third leg of the god-awful stool that is ESPN’s Monday Night Football crew. I admit that there have been worse broadcasting teams, even if we ignore the Big Ten Network. (How many times can a guy start a sentence with “If you are…?” A lot, as it turns out.)

Still, when you look at the legacy of the once-proud MNF entertainment, going back to the pompous, bombastic and wonderful Howard Cosell, it seems appropriate to shed a tear — and perhaps an ear — when listening to the team of Booger, the hyper-without-a-cause Joe Tessitore, and Jason Witten.

Having not yet maligned Witten, I will simply recall the moment, earlier this year, when Witten mused during a broadcast that things were getting out of hand in the NFL with this business about protecting quarterbacks. We get it. If you qualify for an NFL pension, you are required to wax poetic about the days when quarterbacks could be sent into helmet-to-helmet convulsions without consequence. It is, to quote another announcer, a tradition unlike any other. By which I mean the kvetching, although I guess the concussion is also.

Witten further mused that these stupid rules were “a little bit to the left-wing.”

Inasmuch as this was obviously a political statement, ESPN put out a statement the next day saying Witten had not made a political statement. We are, after all, in a post-truth era.

Which brings us back to Booger. Why “Booger?” Well, his bio explains that his mom gave him this nickname, and not in a loving way. Something about almost burning down the family home. But you can read Wikipedia as well as I can.

When MNF was looking for a gimmick this year, some minimum-wage intern apparently came up with the idea of swinging Booger around the field in a crane. And this is no little crane. This looks like it came from a construction site taken from the future site of an 80-story skyscraper. These guys needed a huge crane so that they could completely obscure the sightlines for maybe 250 fans at a time. Not surprisingly, the fans have been somewhat unhappy about this — except, perhaps, the fans in Buffalo.

The idea is that Booger needs to have the best possible view of the field at all times, presumably so he can offer insights such as, “You’ve got a 3rd-and-4 here guys, so if you’re not going to pass the ball, you’ll probably have to run it.” Oh, and it seems significant that mounted to the crane is a video screen that is somewhere between the size of Witten’s hands and a Jumbotron. (I forgot to mention that Witten spends much of his time in a threatening pose that has him walking toward the camera until only his hands appear in the picture. Also refreshing in a way that, as ESPN said, has nothing to do with politics.

Denver at Kansas City  

I got this from Mark Lawrence, a professional handicapper who specializes in obscure and generally meaningless technical trends: KC is 2-9 against the spread when coming off a home game and facing a sub-.500 team. But the stat that matters most to gamblers it that the Chiefs have covered every game this year. However, Denver is 9-2 after a Thursday night game. What matters most to me is that the line may have caught up with the Chiefs, because they’re favored by double digits for the first time this year. I think that makes it a fair fight. Denver can hang with KC on the ground, with the Chiefs allowing more than five yards per carry. Anyone foolish enough to bet against Kansas City should not be charged for the juice when he loses his foolish bet.

Oct 21, 2018; Kansas City, MO, USA; Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes (15) is interviewed by sideline reporter Michele Tafoya after the game against the Cincinnati Bengals at Arrowhead Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Jay Biggerstaff-USA TODAY Sports

The pick: Chiefs 30, Broncos 24 — Denver plus-10 for $40

Washington at New York Giants

The Giants did the almost impossible last week: they racked up 433 yards of offense, but scored just 20 points. And seven of those points came on a gift, back-door, meaningless score with five seconds left — a score made possible by Atlanta’s buffoon-in-residence, coach Dan Quinn, who made the bizarre decision to attempt a 56-yard field goal with two minutes left in the game. (The fact that the field goal was successful in no way justifies Quinn’s decision, which gave the Falcons a 10-point lead. Too bad he didn’t show that kind of aggression in Atlanta’s miraculous Super Bowl loss to the Patriots in the Super Bowl.)

If you’re keeping score at home, the Giants have lost 20 of their most recent 24 games. AND…the Giants are purging their best defensive players for draft picks. The front office has given up, as if you needed to send a signal to these players. This one is a pick, and I’m picking Washington.

The pick: Redskins 23, Giants 13 — Washington straight up for $40

Tampa Bay at Cincinnati

The Bucs are an unappealing team in most respects, although I wouldn’t want either team as a favorite. Andy Dalton doesn’t throw a lot of strikes these days, but when he does, his receivers tend to drop them. Excluding, of course, A. J. Green. Dalton should just throw 25 passes to Green. Maybe he will. If he does, I lose. In the yards per game category, Cincy is in arrears to the tune of 94 per game, and the Bengals allow more passing yards than all but two teams. But the reality is that neither team puts up much of a fight when rival quarterbacks launch the football. I should be taking the over, but I’m taking the points because my Overs have betrayed me this year.

Oct 21, 2018; Kansas City, MO, USA; Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Andy Dalton (14) throws a pass against the Kansas City Chiefs in the first half at Arrowhead Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Jay Biggerstaff-USA TODAY Sports

The pick: Bengals 28, Bucs 27 — Tampa plus-4 1/2 for $40


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