A friend who lives in Kentucky swears he was walking down Louisville’s Main Street the other day when he heard a loud and angry commotion. He hurried toward the tumult in time to see Cardinals scandal-enmeshed former head coach Rick Pitino hurrying into a limousine to escape the vengeful crowd, which had just heard the news that the NCAA had vacated Louisville’s 2013 title. As the limo driver tried to steer the car through the throng, Pitino rolled down the window and yelled, “No, no! You’ve got it all wrong! You’ve mistaken me for my son, Richard.”
It’s not that I believe the story, but it does serve a purpose: namely, to illustrate that when the tidal wave of scandal threatens the gates of the preternaturally corrupt mansion of big-dollar college athletics, fingers start pointing and no one is safe.
This monograph was conceived as a postseason preview of the NCAA Tournament, previously known as the Big Dance, but more lately designated the Perp Prance. But this year you could spend hundreds of hours studying game tape and consulting the best basketball minds around and still find that by the second weekend, every one of your quarterfinal teams have been eliminated…by the NCAA itself.
Even the cliches have to be redefined this year. Take the nation’s leading scorer, Oklahoma’s Trae Young. Until recently, you might see Young sink a 28-footer and then, the next time down the court, try one from 34 feet. And your favorite announcer would chuckle and, as the ball clanked off the front iron, say, “Heat check!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8IUzeODOtE
No more. Now a heat check is when Arizona head coach Sean Miller turns out all the lights in his house and nervously peeks through the blinds.
I’m guessing you heard about Miller, who was caught on an FBI wiretap discussing a payment of $100,000 to then-prospect and now freshman and soon perhaps top pick in the NBA draft Deandre Ayton. Which, come to think of it, redefines another cliche: “One (hundred grand) and done.” Ayton is going to have a lucrative NBA career even if it lasts only a year. Miller, meanwhile, might find himself coaching an AAU team in Puerto Rico.
The scandal itself has only just begun.
The FBI is said to have recorded something like 3,000 hours of phone conversations involving a rogue sports agent named Christian Dawkins. The news reports so far have been a bit sketchy and it’s a complicated scandal, one that involves lots of cash payments and the usual snakes, such as sports agents, shoe companies and assistant “coaches” — the term used for recruiters who don’t actually coach, but do lure high school kids to top level teams using any means necessary. Coaches such as Miller, or Louisville’s Pitino, generally maintain deniability, although not necessarily credible in the case of those two malefactors.
As we speak, trying to grasp the full extent of the wrongdoing and just which players and coaches are involved is a bit like trying to read Faulkner with a buzz on. So far, 20 institutions of higher learning have been mentioned, with more no doubt to come.
Now, I’m not saying Miller is guilty of anything, but he did issue a statement saying that he looks forward to being vindicated. And I have never heard of anyone who said he was looking forward to being vindicated actually being vindicated.
Anyway, Miller’s fall from grace wouldn’t necessarily keep me away from taking Arizona to make it to the Final Four. In fact, I kind of like the angle — perhaps the second oldest battle cry of college coaches, right behind, “Win one for my defense team!” We’re talking here, of course, about the old circle-the-wagons rally.
They’re all out to get us.
We don’t get no respect.
Even our friends quit on us.
Besides, Ayton himself responded to the news about Miller over the weekend by lacing up his somewhat guilty sneakers and putting up 28 points and grabbing 18 rebounds against Oregon. And I figure Arizona is going to be on a mission, determined to prove their integrity.
The only problem being that they just lost their No. 2 scorer, Allonzo Trier, who tested positive for a performance-enhancing drug called Ostarine. Let’s not rush to judgment. He might have been taking it for a medical condition. Such as, oh, maybe osteoporosis. Which is what the drug is prescribed for.
And it works. My 75-year-old neighbor took it and improved her vertical by almost an inch.
The point here being that maybe you and I figure that even if Arizona won the title, the NCAA would take it away, just as they stripped — unfortunate word choice — Louisville of its crown because of the team’s questionable choice of exotic dancers as a recruiting tool. But look at it from the perspective of the Louisville players: Are they any less proud of winning the championship? Of course not.
Sure, you can take away the trophies, but you can’t take away the lap dances.
The ultimate joke is on the NCAA itself, which is enforcing some arcane rules that were devised back in the days when college students wore coonskin coats and swallowed goldfish. Today, what’s important is the office pool, the Vegas line and the TV ratings. This is how corruption festers: when everyone knows that the rules are ridiculous and, in this case, that players deserve to be paid in the first place.
With that — and your brackets — in mind, a few words about teams I like.
First, I would gladly put two Big East teams in my Final Four. After an early loss to Arizona State, Xavier has lost just twice: both times to Villanova. But Villanova is in a little slump, having lost three of its last six games. Which only makes them more dangerous. Unlike the Villanova team that won the title two years ago, these guys can put up 95 points against just about anyone, so if they can just play a little defense, they’ve got a second act. For that matter, any Big East team that makes the tournament will be scary. Think Creighton, Seton Hall and Butler and even Marquette, which looks like a bubble team pending the Big East tournament.
It’s often tempting to write off the Big Ten because of the lack of depth. But Purdue and Michigan State can’t be ignored and either would make a solid Final Four team, especially because neither seems to qualify as a No. 1 seed.
You can’t just circle the top seeds for your Final Four, because (a.) it almost never happens (the exception was in 2008); and (b.) you still probably wouldn’t win your pool. Our Midwestern lads can’t match the glamour and athleticism of the top Big East and ACC teams, but they can usually play defense.
Duke? Looking good with a couple of skyscraper freshmen who can do it all, with the possible exception of abiding by NCAA rules and regulations. But Duke is always overrated, and here it is March and they still can’t seem to defend. You might want to look at one of the other seven ACC teams that will make the tournament.
It’s like going to a bachelor party in Las Vegas only to discover that it’s a non-alcoholic event and that the groom is about to launch into a Powerpoint presentation on the merits of investing in Bitcoin
Which brings me to the question: what would be the worst-case scenario for the NCAA gatekeepers? You might say Arizona, which makes sense, but nothing would be more embarrassing and financially disastrous than the prospect of Virginia winning it all. And it’s not just a prospect, it’s actually quite likely. My God, they have bored their way into the top position in the polls.
Virginia’s style of play is a throwback to the 50’s — the 1850’s. They average about 64 points per game in ACC play and give up 52. When the team messes up in practice, the coach, Tony Bennett, makes them walk laps.
Even the black guys can’t jump.
Imagine having tickets to the Final Four. You’ve been washing down Mexican food with tequila in San Antonio for a few days and you sober up in time to realize that it’s Michigan State vs. Virginia for the big trophy. It’s like going to a bachelor party in Las Vegas only to discover that it’s a non-alcoholic event and that the groom is about to launch into a Powerpoint presentation on the merits of investing in Bitcoin.
No, Virginia is a team no real basketball fan can root for, which is why you should pick the Cavaliers to win it all. It might be the only way you can endure watching them advance from round to round.
My pick: Michigan State vs. Virginia in the championship game. I put the over-under at about 117. And I’m playing the under.
