Bill Simmons absolutely lit into Kirk Cousins on his Monday podcast with long-time friend Cousin Sal. After betting on the Vikings during his ‘Million Dollar Picks’ segment last week with NFL Network’s Peter Schrager, Simmons had a gripe to pick with Kirk’s Sunday performance.
“Kirk Cousins, on a pivotal play lined up behind right guard??!! He had to waste a timeout so that he could sail a pass over Justin Jefferson’s wide open hands???” Letting out his frustration, Simmons asks, “There are these games where like aren’t you supposed to be the leader of the team? The rock? Instead, he has the body language of a guy getting a parking ticket???”
Now I have to admit, describing Kirk Cousins as having the look of someone getting a parking ticket is one of the funnier, more apt descriptions I’ve ever heard. And as much as Kirk let the Vikings down in this game, the team was playing without their entire defensive line, which gave up 34 points to the San Francisco 49ers’ run-first attack.
For you Succession fans out there, the performance was poor enough for the duo to award Cousins the Logan Roy “F*** off” award of the week, citing Justin Jefferson’s body language after a few of Kirk’s misfires as reasons for the honor.
Piling on the Vikings QB, Simmons joked with Sal that Cousins should move every year to different teams that believe they are a quarterback away from being a contender, offering the likes of the Denver Broncos and Carolina Panthers for next year. He gives him the self-proclaimed motto: “I’m Kirk Cousins: I’m Competent.” These teams could fool their fan bases into believing they can make a run because “[Kirk] makes plays, moves the chains, you’re just not winning the Super Bowl with him.”
Simmons roasting aside, I think the most hate Cousins received this week was from this FanDuel tweet absolutely trolling Kirk for lining up under the right guard.
With 7-seed still wide open in the NFC, Kirk will be given the chance for the last laugh and maybe the opportunity to adorn the Ringer CEO with his own “Logan Roy” award of the week come playoff time. Skol.
