A Twins Fan's Letter To Santa Claus

Photo Credit: Isaiah J. Downing (USA TODAY Sports)

Dear Santa,

I write to you as a 35-year-old fan of the Minnesota Twins. You may think that I’m too old to believe in Santa Claus but doing this seems more effective than writing to our front office.

You see, Twins fans have a problem. Two years ago we were good. I mean, really good.

The Twins won 103 games and had the most prolific home run hitting team in MLB history. While some of that had to do with some juiced baseballs (and if you could send us a couple of bags of those, that would be great) we had a chance to win our first playoff game since 2003.

Instead, the Twins traded for Sam Dyson at the trade deadline. Sergio Romo was good, but he kind of imploded at the end of the 2020 season. We were left starting Randy Dobnak at Yankee Stadium and before we knew it, the season was over.

The following offseason, we found Josh Donaldson under the tree. But it was kind of like the hand-me-down toys my sisters would get when I was growing up. It’s fine, but it’s not as shiny as the things that other fans have gotten.

Then there was last season. We were good and we still got passed over. Everything the Twins signed was straight out of the bargain bin. While other teams got a Robbie Ray or a Marcus Semien, they were too expensive. Instead, we had to settle for Andrelton Simmons and J.A. Happ. It was brutal.

So the reason, I’m coming to you is to see if you’ll bless us with a little holiday cheer. There are several things that we, as Twins fans want for Christmas and even if we have to wait a while to get it, we’ll be grateful when it arrives.

First, we would like a starting pitcher.

I know what you’re thinking. You probably think we’ll shoot out eyes out if we get too big of an arm. However, I’d argue the same thing would happen if we give standing ovations every time a pitcher makes it to the fifth inning.

We had a solid pitcher in José Berríos but we traded him away. Maybe if we could go out and spend some money on Clayton Kershaw, Carlos Rodón or even Danny Duffy, we could have a chance to hold teams under five runs a game. But we’ll probably sign Matt Harvey or something.

The other thing we would like is a shortstop.

Again, this seems greedy. Jorge Polanco just hit the most home runs in franchise history for a switch hitter and we have Royce Lewis and Austin Martin in the pipeline. Might as well just call us Scrooge, right?

But Polanco’s flip in Game 1 of the 2020 AL Wild Card Series is still burned into our minds. Preferably, we would like someone that can play defense like Simmons but can also hit.

We would love to find Carlos Correa in our stocking but that’s just as realistic as the pony I asked for when I was six. Or maybe we can get Trevor Story. That would be like netting a Nintendo 64! But even if it’s just a trade for someone, it will probably do.

Then there’s the big one. One playoff win. For the love of God, can you at least get us that?

As I mentioned, it’s been almost 20 years since the Twins got out of the first round of the postseason. It’s been 19 since they won a postseason game. You know how the Vikings can get to the NFC Championship game but can never get to the Super Bowl? It’s kinda like that but worse.

This seems dramatic but there is no pain like having Joey Dimes from The Bronx light up your Twitter DMs. Or for Vinny from the South Side of Chicago brag about how they signed Lance Lynn. It’s excruciating.

Anyway, if you can take care of any of these it would be great. I hope you have a Merry Christmas and if you can’t help, I understand.

I’ll just call The Grinch next year.


One Desperate Twins Fan

PS. Can you do something about this lockout?

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