FANTASY FOOTBALL PARTY: NFL Week 13: The selfish, the righteous, and the tyranny of Baker Mayfield

There’s a passage the Fantasy Football Party-goers have memorized. Ezekiel Elliott 25:17. “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children.”

So we’re thinking: maybe James Connor is the evil man. And Baker Mayfield is the righteous man. And Mr. Jonnu Smith here… he’s the shepherd protecting our righteous asses in the valley of darkness.

Or it could mean Frank Gore is the righteous man and Anthony Miller is the shepherd and it’s Ricky Seals-Jones that’s evil and selfish. And we’d like that.

But that ain’t the truth. The truth is Wendell Smallwood is weak. And Nick Chubb is the tyranny of evil men. But he’s tryin’, Ringo. He’s tryin’ real hard to be the shepherd.

Flip open the suitcase and stare in slack-jawed awe as Bo unleashes his Samuel Jacksons stack on the 50/50. Dig into the bag and pull out a wallet that says “Bad Maggio” on it, then spend the extra DFS cash on Nyheim Hines.

You know, 2V’s getting kinda tired. Maybe from giving Alex Collins and Tre’Quan Smith foot massages.

If our answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.

Yes, it was all there in an out-of-sequence fashion set to great 70s music: the immediate regrets, the game-by-game fantasy-relevant news, the dumpster-diving for budget DFS/season-long roster filler to salvage your season and set you on the path to the playoffs.

Plus 2V set a 50/50 lineup that made sewer rat taste like pumpkin pie, Magsh ain’t no country I’ve ever heard of, and…


I’m sorry, did I break your concentration? I didn’t mean to do that. Please, continue, you were saying something about best intentions. What’s the matter? Oh, you were finished! Well, allow me to retort.

Bo’s got personality. Personality goes a long way.

And they will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy our brothers.

We happy?

(Narrator: Yeah, we happy.)

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The FFP’s 50/50 lineups for Week 6:


Mitch Trubisky
Raheem Mostert
Marlon Mack
Josh Reynolds
Dede Westbrook
Christian Kirk
Ricky Seals-Jones
Colts D
Jason Myers


Dak Prescott
Wendell Smallwood
Theo Riddick
Chris Godwin
Albert Wilson
Willie Snead
Jack Doyle (Geoff Swaim injury pivot)
Cowboys D
Dan Bailey


Joe Flacco
Frank Gore
Ito Smith
Duke Johnson
Robby Anderson
Keelan Cole
CJ Uzomah
Detroit D
Giorgio Tavecchio

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