Last week was a great time to be an Atlanta Falcons fan. The Falcons found their quarterback, signing Kirk Cousins to a four-year, $180 million contract. Grinning from ear to ear, Cousins told the stories about how his dad was frustrated by the Falcons every Sunday and how his first date with his wife was in Georgia.
A cheap pop that Mick Foley would have been proud of was only the beginning. The Falcons leaned into the Kirko Chainz persona by presenting him and his two sons with “Dirty Birds” chains. He looked like an AI-generated quarterback. It was the perfect relationship for the Falcons to win a Super Bowl and the answer to Arthur Blank’s late-life crisis.
If you’re a Falcons fan reading this, you might think it’s as simple as plugging Cousins in and climbing to the top of the NFC. But, as Minnesota Vikings fans know, there is much more to solving the NFL’s version of the Rubik’s Cube.
Let’s go back to 2018. The Vikings had a young roster and a team that had just gone to the NFC Championship game with Case Keenum. Searching for stability, the Vikings let Keenum, Sam Bradford, and Teddy Bridgewater leave in free agency and gave Cousins the first fully guaranteed contract in NFL history.
Like the Falcons, the Vikings believed that Cousins was the missing piece. He’s chiseled like the ultimate quarterback, has an arm that can make all the throws, and is cerebral as they come.
Kyle Shanahan looks at Brock Purdy and wishes he were Cousins. Kevin O’Connell stopped short of saying he thinks of Cousins as the lead singer of the angel band Creed. To some, there is no life after Cousins. But to others, he’s Mr. Right with a pile of skeletons in the basement.
Mike Zimmer warned the Vikings of the dangers of signing Cousins in 2018 and looked like a kid who had to put his dog down at his introductory press conference. The Sheldon Richardson signing made him feel better, but it was the beginning of the type of feud that can only be resolved at WrestleMania.
Cousins put up video-game numbers in the first month of the 2018 season. He shredded the Green Bay Packers in his second game with Minnesota – which ended up in a tie, thanks to Daniel Carlson. A few weeks later, Cousins threw for 422 yards and three touchdowns in a loss to the Los Angeles Rams, but Jared Goff outdueled him in a 38-31 loss.
These games were a precursor to the Cousins experience. Cousins did his job, but the rest of the team “let him down.” The Vikings finished that first season with an 8-7-1 record, and they fired offensive coordinator John DeFilippo with three games to go.
The Vikings went 10-6 the following year and won a playoff game in New Orleans. But the victory was more about Zimmer’s gameplan – which included shifting Everson Griffen and Danielle Hunter to the interior – than it did about Cousins’ performance.
Minnesota turned its defense over the next season due to salary cap restrictions. The Vikings swapped Stefon Diggs for Justin Jefferson and continued to sit in the middle. The 2020 season made Zimmer finally admit he coached a bad defense. Minnesota’s great free-agency binge of 2021, which included Bashaud Breeland and Patrick Peterson, wasn’t enough to save his job.
But like a Twinkie in a nuclear explosion, Cousins survived. The Vikings built around Cousins for two years, hiring a head coach who had previously worked with him in Washington and a staff designed to get the most out of a roster that underachieved under Zimmer.
The Vikings won 13 games, Cousins came out of his shell, and Minnesota was running on vibes heading into the playoffs. Cousins tied an NFL record with eight fourth-quarter comebacks, and the Vikings needed one more against the New York Giants in the Wild Card round. But Cousins checked down to T.J. Hockenson on a fourth-and-eight.
The play was the peak of the Cousins era before heading to the negotiating table. With visions of his best self implanted in the front office’s brains, he seemed certain to get another big contract. But the Vikings held their ground, intending to complete the competitive rebuild.
Cousins told everyone he wanted to retire as a Viking, and he looked like he would earn that right a year ago. He dissected defenses in the first eight games of the season and engineered a win over the San Francisco 49ers on national television. Some believe if Cousins hadn’t injured his Achilles, the Vikings would have marched through the NFC, and he would still be a frequent visitor at Kohl’s in Eagan.
His departure hit hard, like the Mayflower trucks moving the Baltimore Colts to Indianapolis in the middle of the night. By the time Vikings fans blinked, he was in Atlanta, saying the same things as when he arrived in Minneapolis six years ago.
It was a case of deja vu, one that has Vikings fans either screaming like Walter White handcuffed in the back of Hank Schrader’s vehicle or peering through the window like the “Sickos” meme. There are a lot of feelings to process. But if there’s some advice for Falcons fans, here’s the best we can come up with.
Make sure you find an offensive coordinator, but even the best might not work out. Sean McVay disciple and PFF darling Zac Robinson may look as clean as DeFilippo’s sneakers did in 2018. However, a few check-down routes could be the difference between a long tenure and immediate disappointment.
Make sure you invest heavily in the offensive line. A pocket passer to his core, Cousins has deck anchors for feet and is as stubborn as a dog with something he shouldn’t have in his mouth. Three first-round picks, a second-round selection, and a free-agent signing weren’t enough in Minnesota, so prepare to invest heavily in the next few years.
Don’t forget about the defense, which became Minnesota’s ultimate downfall. Zimmer had a championship-caliber defense when Cousins arrived. However, Cousins’ iron-clad contract made it difficult to keep people around and required a 100% hit rate when the Vikings needed some new blood in 2020.
A relationship with the head coach is a must, and the community must fully embrace him at every turn. Make sure he does your pre-game ritual before a game, appears at high school pep rallies, and does everything else to make him feel wanted.
But most importantly, make sure you acknowledge Cousins where it matters. He’s the head of the negotiating table, and the tiniest slight will make him feel unwelcome. Even if his next contract will be negotiated at age 39, remember that it’s not about the dollars, it’s what they represent.
If you follow these steps, you’ll achieve peak Cousins, and the results will be memorable. He could line up under the guard on fourth down. He could get into a playful shoving match that looks way too much like a 4 a.m. brawl at Magic City. And he may even retire as a Falcon, just like he had intended to retire as a Commander and a Viking!
But these are the keys to surviving Kirk Cousins, and it will be one hell of a ride over the next four years.
