The Minnesota Twins have a backup sausage. It sits behind Rocco Baldelli’s chair in his office, next to a random assortment of bobbleheads and liquor bottles. In some ways, Baldelli’s office is his man cave. He has a Phish shirt with holes, a scarf from his favorite soccer team, and a framed newspaper from when the Twins won in the playoffs last year.
Still, vile and uncultured as we are, most men won’t keep a piece of aging meat in a place they regularly inhabit. It may be vacuum-sealed and looks integral. But we all know it’s a product created in a lab and sold at wet markets. The original sausage may be double-wrapped, and the Twins have presumably tested it for disease. Still, Baldelli reluctantly acknowledged it must live on even though it could cause cholera and dysentery if it gets out.
“I’m all for it,” he said in April. “I’m slightly concerned. Like, I’m not even an adult, but [I’m] slightly concerned as more of an adult than maybe some of the people in the other room, that the package is going to open up.
“The thing hasn’t been refrigerated in many days, and there’s no doubt that when that thing opens up, whoever’s touching it is in deep trouble. There’s no doubt in my mind that we are carrying around something that is very, very unhealthy to the human body.”
Ultimately, the Twins need a backup sausage because the original Rally Sausage saved them from a 7-13 skid to start the season. The Twins shipped it to the nation’s capital after the New York Yankees and Cleveland Guardians swept them in May. Then, they resuscitated it in Game 2 against the Los Angeles Angels after losing 15 of 21 games late in the season.
“I don’t know where it came from,” Baldelli said. “I can’t identify it as being the Rally Sausage. It might be the Rally Sausage. Who knows? All I know is we played well enough (Tuesday) to go out and win a nice ballgame, and we’ve gotta come back and do it again. I wouldn’t mind seeing that thing again.”
The Twins must know they are doing something unholy by bringing back the Rally Sausage. It’s hardly meat anymore. The FDA would not qualify it as foodstuff. Minnesota better hide that thing because the World Health Organization may raid Target Field and incinerate it.
But there’s no stopping the Rally Sausage now; it has taken on a life of its own. Still, Minnesota had better hope it didn’t get out of the package because it might sprout legs and start to walk and talk. Baldelli might hit it third on getaway day.
Regardless of the risk involved, they will keep it around because it works!
“These guys are funny just because sometimes we’ve been streaky,” bench coach Jayce Tingler said in May. “Sometimes, if it’s something as simple as taking your mind off a very complicated and frustrating game and being able to have some fun, what’s great about it is guys are just having a ton of fun with it.
“We score a run, hit a homer, and sausages are flying left and right. I’m like, what is going on? But, you know, when we get in these runs, and we’re scoring runs, it’s a good thing, and just watching guys laugh, it’s great.”
Tingler was sitting in for Baldelli when he said that on May 24. Baldelli was under the weather, presumably from a non-sausage-related disease. But he managed the Twins to a 3-2 win over the defending champion Texas Rangers later in the day. Baldelli has always had reservations about keeping old meat in a locker room full of professional athletes who must perform daily. However, Tingler had no such qualms.
“I hope so,” he said when I asked if he wanted to keep it around all year. “That means that the sausage is working, and we’re scoring runs. So we’ll see how long we can keep this one. I know we’ve got some others in the on-deck circle ready to go.”
Baldelli doesn’t have a crystal ball next to the sausage. Unlike his players, who have raised the Rally Sausage from the dead, he doesn’t believe in black magic. Still, Tingler was clairvoyant. The sausage is back, and the Twins are winning again. The spare sausage remains behind Baldelli’s desk in case they misplace the original. Given the stakes involved, they can never be too safe.
